Key Takeaways
- Supporting a loved one with addiction means helping them without enabling their behavior.
- Enabling behaviors may unintentionally encourage continued substance use.
- Healthy boundaries allow you to help without losing yourself in their struggles.
- Seeking treatment is the best way to help a loved one recover.
- Professional addiction treatment programs offer the support they truly need.
Introduction
Watching a loved one struggle with addiction is painful. You want to help, but sometimes, your actions may accidentally enable their substance use instead of guiding them toward recovery. Many people don’t realize the fine line between supporting someone healthily and enabling their addiction.
The key to truly helping a loved one is setting boundaries, refusing to cover for their actions, and encouraging them to seek professional treatment. Without proper guidance, enabling can keep them stuck in the cycle of addiction, preventing them from getting the help they need.
In this article, we will explore the difference between supporting and enabling, how to recognize enabling behaviors, and what steps you can take to help a loved one struggling with addiction truly.
Understanding the Difference Between Supporting and Enabling
What Is Enabling Behavior?
Enabling happens when a person unintentionally makes it easier for a loved one to continue their addiction. Often, enabling comes from a place of love, but instead of helping, it protects the person from the natural consequences of their actions.
Some common enabling behaviors include:
- Giving money that could be used for drugs or alcohol.
- Making excuses for their substance use or bad behavior.
- Lying to protect them from consequences.
- Allowing them to avoid responsibility for their actions.
Although these actions may seem helpful, they actually prevent the person from recognizing the need to seek treatment.
What Does True Support Look Like?
Supporting someone with addiction means helping them in ways that promote recovery. Instead of shielding them from consequences, true support means guiding them toward treatment and holding them accountable.
Ways to support a loved one without enabling include:
- Encouraging them to seek professional treatment.
- Refusing to give financial assistance for non-essential needs.
- Setting clear and healthy boundaries.
- Participating in family therapy or support groups like Al-Anon.
Signs That You May Be Enabling a Loved One’s Addiction
Many family members and friends don’t realize they are enabling someone’s addiction. They believe they are being supportive, but their actions actually allow the addiction to continue.
1. Making Excuses for Their Behavior
If you constantly make excuses for a loved one’s drug or alcohol use, you may be enabling them. Saying things like “They’re just stressed” or “It’s not that bad” can prevent them from facing reality.
2. Financially Supporting Them
Giving money to someone struggling with addiction—even if it’s for rent, food, or gas—can indirectly support their substance use disorder. If they know they can rely on you financially, they may avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
3. Ignoring or Denying the Problem
It’s painful to admit that someone you love has an addiction. However, ignoring the signs or pretending everything is okay only worsens the situation.
4. Taking Over Their Responsibilities
If you find yourself paying their bills, handling their work, or cleaning up their messes, you may be enabling their addiction. They need to experience the real consequences of their actions to recognize the need for change.
5. Avoiding Difficult Conversations
Talking about addiction can be uncomfortable, but avoiding the conversation allows them to continue using without accountability. Expressing concern and setting boundaries is an important step in getting them help.
How to Support Someone Without Enabling
1. Set Clear Boundaries
Boundaries protect both you and your loved one. Let them know what you will and won’t tolerate. For example, you can say:
- “I will not give you money, but I will help you find treatment.”
- “You cannot stay in my home while using drugs or alcohol.”
- “I love you, but I won’t lie or cover for you anymore.”
Boundaries are not about punishment—they are about protecting yourself while encouraging change.
2. Encourage Professional Treatment
One of the best ways to support someone struggling with addiction is to guide them toward treatment. Many people don’t seek help on their own, so offering resources can make a difference.
Let them know that addiction is a disease, and professional treatment can help them regain control of their life. Offer to help them find a treatment center, attend an appointment, or talk to a counselor.
3. Stop Enabling Their Behavior
Once you recognize enabling behaviors, it’s important to stop them. This might mean refusing to give financial help, not covering for their actions, and letting them face natural consequences.
Although it may feel harsh, it is one of the best ways to help them realize they need treatment.
4. Seek Support for Yourself
Loving someone with addiction is emotionally exhausting. Seeking help for yourself can make a difference. Family therapy, counseling, or support groups like Al-Anon can help you cope with the challenges of addiction in your family.
The Importance of Addiction Treatment
Many people struggling with addiction will not seek help on their own. Without treatment, addiction often worsens over time, affecting health, relationships, and finances.
What Does Addiction Treatment Involve?
A comprehensive addiction treatment program includes:
- Medical detox to remove substances from the body safely.
- Therapy and counseling to address the root causes of addiction.
- Inpatient or outpatient programs, depending on the severity of the addiction.
- Family therapy to help loved ones rebuild trust and communication.
Getting treatment is the first step toward recovery, and having support from family members can increase the chances of success.
Conclusion: Help Your Loved One Get the Treatment They Need
Supporting a loved one struggling with addiction is not easy, but it is possible. The key is to support them without enabling them, set healthy boundaries, and encourage them to seek professional treatment.
Professional treatment is available if your loved one is ready to get help. Virtue Recovery Houston offers comprehensive addiction treatment programs that can help them start their journey to recovery.
Call 866-457-4811 today to speak with a caring professional and take the first step toward healing.
FAQs About The Difference Between Helping and Enabling Addiction
How can I help my loved one without enabling them?
You can support them by setting boundaries, refusing to cover for their actions, and encouraging them to seek professional treatment. Avoid giving money or making excuses for their behavior.
What are the signs that I am enabling someone’s addiction?
If you make excuses for them, give them financial help, take over their responsibilities, or ignore their substance use, you may be enabling them. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward change.
Why is setting boundaries important when helping someone with addiction?
Boundaries protect both you and your loved one. They prevent codependency and enablement while encouraging them to take responsibility for their actions.
When should I encourage someone to seek treatment?
If their substance use is affecting their health, job, relationships, or safety, it’s time to encourage treatment. The sooner they get help, the better their chances of recovery.
Where can my loved one get help for addiction?
Virtue Recovery Houston offers comprehensive addiction treatment programs. Call 866-457-4811 today for confidential support and guidance.
Resources
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6419765/
https://www.ptsd.va.gov/apps/craftsud/lesson05/05_021.htm
- About the Author
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Nicki Lugo is currently employed as Clinical Director at Virtue Recovery Center in Las Vegas. Nicki is a licensed clinical professional counselor (CPC) in the state of Nevada and a licensed associate counselor (LAC) in the state of Arizona. She is also a licensed clinical alcohol and drug counselor (LCADC) in Nevada. Additionally, Nicki has specialized training in treating trauma and is a certified clinical trauma specialist (CCTS).
Nicki has earned a Master of Science degree in Psychology with an emphasis in Behavioral Health from the University of Phoenix and a Master of Science in Professional Counseling from Grand Canyon University. Currently, Nicki is pursuing a Doctor of Philosophy (PhD) in Counseling Education and Supervision at Grand Canyon University. Nicki’s research interests include the use of Positive Psychology interventions with dual diagnosis clients. Nicki hopes to contribute to the body of knowledge in treating substance use disorders.
Nicki’s long-term career goals include advancing in leadership roles within Virtue Recovery Center which is a quickly growing substance use disorder treatment facility. She hopes that one day her research and advocacy will help to save the lives of those who have been affected by substance use. She likes to say that advocacy is her passion and leadership is her superpower.
